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Insecure

by Cordelia

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1.
The Aperture 03:25
Well, I got two arms to fight off six. She's a silver tongue devil, poisen tipped, speaking words that cut like the open heart surgery that you performed on me. Leave it to me to sew myself shut. Can love really man with 20 - 20 vision. Am I messed up? Is there something wrong with me? Cause' I'm feelin' so alone. They say we were meant to be a little bit more than mirrors that drip. My words are like an aperture you twist. Fading in and out. You're short of breath come on and spit it out. Are you just going to run away. Just going to play this game n' act like your problems aren't your own. Can love really blind a man with 20 - 20 vision. Let me tell yah' this girl had it all. She'd spin a web so fast that'd make your head spin and shatter like glass. She's the cheater, she's the top of her class.
2.
take a deep breath, maybe this isn't as bad as it seems. Everybody keeps telling me this is for the best. Then why does it feel like I'm being torn in two? Holding my breath until I'm turning blue, but I got to say, "It's better than listening to you run on and on about the things I can't change." You'll see me in your dreams because that's the only place I'll be. Why cant you tell me who you are? The future is not that far. You cant re-write the promises you have made! Just a word of advice from an empty mind. It's like they when they say to you, they know what to do. But I know, You're all out and I didn't want to be right. Torn apart by the lies I've died again. I should have known better than to listen to the tales you spin. I'm trapped in love and whose to blame, hate malice and shame when there's nothing to gain. Even in our dreams there is no escape from the hell we've all helped create, but still I want you in my arms no matter who it harms. I got to say, it's better than listening to you run on and on about the things I can't change.
3.
I gamble with my love but they spit the chips right back into my face. What if what I thought was right was wrong? Could this be why my heart has been gone for too long? The letters that it sent sound a little bit like this, "Got hidden agendas lit up like Vegas with no end in sight. I will always be a memory in the pictures that you stole of me, some day you'll see, so vividly, I took your life and gave it wings. You paint the most vivid pictures in your mind but the truth spills out like your passion to lie on this canvas of mine. Go ahead and finish your work of art with the colors of my heart. Is this the end of your night? Is your brush running dry? If I'm out of sight out of mind would you pass me by? I sit back and wonder why we see green through eyes because its not about the money I spend. I'm about to go all in. You shake and tremble with your mixed up ensemble of illusions that you portray to the world. Are you lost? Unable to show that your dreams are the ones that flow to the kids that grind like me on the everyday scene.
4.
Come on stand up for yourself. Where is your self respect? As a kid I used to look up to you but now I see what you've sold out to. I've lived my life the way I chose to. I've made mistakes but that's how we grew up. People hate but they still choose to stay and now you'll see 'em try'n follow us. Don't mistake my kindness for a weakness that you adore. This is more than a war now. I'm better than what you've told me and don't try to tell me what to say. I know what I was born to sing. Right here is where i got my start. Watch the air as it floods from my throat. Chest compressed, have I lost all hope? I'm a man of action not a man of many words. I've searched for the truths even though I knew it would hurt.
5.
Insecure 03:26
I sink my teeth into the thought of being you, simulate the sighs you make, mouth agape, unamused. Oh, what would you do if I turned my back on you? Even if it's for a little while my mind starts to run wild. I'd rather be dead than fill my head with the thoughts you've had. High upon your pedestal the fall is far below. Are you afraid to fall down to our level? You're so insecure. Pretend your as deep as the sea, but you can't drown out your suffering. I see you wait for the latest thing, it's a shame our lives are old news.

credits

released August 28, 2015

Jesse Clark - Mixing - Tracking.
Kegan DeBacker - Album Artwork
Briana Jones - Photography/Digital Art/ Banners
Josh Nixon - Photography

Austin Drolet - Drums
Chad Ralph Jr. - Bass
Jordan Cuadras - Guitar
Jesse Clark - Vocalist
Kegan DeBacker - Guitar

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Cordelia Gilbert, Arizona

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